I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
