very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
