I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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