Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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