Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
