Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
