yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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