he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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