the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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