There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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