dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
