you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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