We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
