I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
