you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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