I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
