i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
