is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
