dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
