he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
