She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
