my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
