he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
