I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize