alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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