Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
