Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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