i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize