Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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