Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
