ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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