and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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