It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
