Dual....:-)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize