Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
