omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dick has a subreddit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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