My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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