I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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