before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
