i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
