Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
