I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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