Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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