wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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