halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
