Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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