I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
