Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
