Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
