Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
