Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
