Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had sex on a roof
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
