Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
