Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
