I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
