"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
NoShamevember. You game?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
