it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
