WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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