Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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