so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
