My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
