My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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