Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
