somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
