dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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