Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
