I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
