R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
