How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
